What the fuck....three days....I guess time got away from me. I have been going in and out of my rabbit hole. Right now the wolf has been circling my rabbit hole. I have been running away from facing my wolf. Not any more. The wolf is my anger. I have buckled up because this isn't my first rodeo. Been betrayed like this in my past two marriages, and we all know how those ended. So today, I am going to let it flow, and greet my wolf with open arms.

A little history for the rabbit hole. Growing up, as a kid, one of the stories I loved was Alice in Wonderland. I still love that story. I could relate so to that story. As I grew older, I began to understand the depth and meaning of Alice in Wonderland. I used to write my own versions of Alice in Wonderland, giving my stories different titles. As a teenager, I started doing a lot of drawing also with drawing a lot of fantasy. I drew animals and nature related art to go with my stories I wrote. I got them around somewhere. I don't really need to look at them because they are my memories. So now in connection of this to what is going on presently.

This time it is so hard for me. Randy and I have 28 years of history together. 28 years is a whole hell of a lot of time. We have had our ups and downs. Over the years I have totally accepted him as who he is. This betrayal, I don't know if I can accept this. I don't know what the fuck to do. Right now I have to work on me, and get to healing me. Randy said he wasn't thinking about how this would affect me. WTF man, you fuckin' selfish man. You thought at that moment in time when it all started that your marriage commitment was something you could put aside to meet your whatever need. Life is a journey, who you choose to be in that journey matters for eternity. I now realize how strongly I feel about commitment to marriage. No wonder all those years ago, he wanted to get married way sooner than I did. It took me a long while to get there, to get there to be wanting to be married. It all makes sense to me. When I commit to being here forever, that means being here forever. I never ever in my life would have thought that Randy who choose to do something like this. Wow, wow, wow.

This is about all I got running around in my thoughts right now. Had to word vomit here for a bit. Thanks to you folks who read and care to be here for me. Thank you. Peace.