So what the heck is there to write about? I don't know. I am thinking here. I have the TV off. Sometimes the only time that TV is on is when Randy has to, just has to watch the local and national news. I don't know why he has to watch the damn news. It is all about the sad and bad shit going on all around out there. I only tune in when the weather is on, or when there is a good feeling story, which now, those are pretty much not going on.

I wake up and greet each day with gratitude. I am glad to just be here to start another day sometimes. Yesterday evening was a bad digestive time for me. When this happens I pretty much feel like I am looking down at my body, just observing, trying to get through whatever I ate that is bothering my gut. Lately it has been happening way too much. So I am doubling up my proteins again. I haven't eaten any pasta now for at least a couple of months. I have been loosing a couple of pounds a week. Randy thinks I should reintroduce some rice or pasta again for awhile. I ask why? He tells me that I need some sort of carbs. When my gut doesn't consume carbs I feel better. I do a lot of carrots, two little ears of those corn things, a couple of peeled and sliced apples with peanut butter, and one banana a day. I also drink I figure at least 4 bottles of water a day. So I really don't consume a whole heck of a lot. I tend to eat small amounts throughout the day. I splurge on 8 Ritz crackers with whipped cream cheese on them sometimes for a bedtime snack to keep my blood sugar up for the night's sleep.

The red squirrels, well, actually all the squirrels are busy chasing each other all around. So we all know what that means down the road. Yes, more squirrels. They are so cute and fun to watch.

Today I baked more chicken, carrots, and little ears of corn for myself. I made an 8 egg omelet with colby cheese. I divide this into four equal parts. Randy get 2 portions and I get the other two. It is a food filler for myself, when I just can't make myself it another piece of baked chicken. Oh, and I made the huge box of orange jello. Apparently it is very delicious because Randy has eaten most of it. I like peach jello.

I have soaked my feet the other day. Two days ago I took a hot bath. I have also showered and washed my hair lately, so I am all set for a bit. I try to be a good girl. OK, who am I kidding.

I haven't written in my paper notebook about what Randy did to me since the early part of April. I told myself that I had to stop word vomiting it and looping about that same old shit. I can't live in the past. I have to live in the moment have peace. Though I have noticed that Randy seems to be struggling with his emotions and his part in what he did to me, to us. It is about fuckin' time. So when he starts talking, I sit there silently, really listening, trying to believe what he is saying. I can't trust words anymore, I have to see behavior change, etc. So that is what I have to deal with here with him. Just glad for him that he finally is facing himself.

So folks, I am hoping for a sunny day outside soon. I want to stop wearing two coats, gloves, two pair of pants outside when I go outside. I wear a hoodie under my Winter coat, so the hood is tied to kept the winds out of my ears. I have stopped wearing those old Winter Merrell mocs I have. I will have to invest in a new pair for next Winter.

I hope all the folks who read what I write are staying well, healthy, and safe. Solitude is a wonderful place to be when you are at peace within yourself. Peace.