WOW. That is the word of the day. I wrote here 12 hours ago. I got a bombshell dropped on me around 2 pm, shortly after Randy got here after work. Thank heavens I was sitting down. Randy told me that he has been making love to someone from his workplace since December 2019. He was there after finishing his shift this morning. He drove to her house. He turned off all his notifications on his phone. I texted him probably while he was making love to this woman. He told Stacey Chapman, age 58, that he was going to tell me this today, he just had to. Remember my earlier entry, I am still recovering from being in ER and the hospital Wednesday evening through Thursday evening. I sat across from him and the word that was in my mind was WOW. I find it hard to believe. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know what the fuck I am feeling right now. Since before Christmas I have felt that he has been distant to me. He wasn't even kissing me. This woman, Stacey had been flirting with him at work since last May. Kissing is a very intimate form of closeness. She would text him a lot telling him that she loves him and wants to be with him. He told me that he would delete those texts. I have never, ever looked at his phone. The reason he said that he finally decided to make love with her is that she said to him that if he needs someone to listen, she will, or something to that effect. Now get this, I was so happy to see him when he got home, that as he was walking up the sidewalk, I lifted up my shirt and showed him my boobs. When he came in the house, I said wow, you worked a lot of extra hours on this shift, which will help you money wise. He called in to not work on Thursday night, so he could check on me, my first night home from the hospital.

So much for the word trust.
So much for my reality.
So much so, now what do I do?

Peace.

P.S. I am very tired, and I know I won't get much sleep tonight.