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in19seconds

The Phone Call..... (2019-08-19 - 5:21 a.m.)

On Saturday at 6:19 pm got a call from my folks. Left a voice message, with just breathing on it, then a hang up. Got another call the phone said at 6:47 pm, this time no phone message. I had the mute on the phone. I don't use the cell phone much. Most times I forget to take it with me when I bike or walk all over in the Woods. So I look at the phone and there are two calls from my folks in the past hour. They can call whenever, though Saturday isn't one of their usual days. Now being a good raised daughter, in respect, I went out to sit in the garage, where one gets the best reception here, and called them back. As usual, my mom answers, and says, hang up, I will call you right back. Well her right back varies now. I may have to wait for awhile. So I wait. She calls back within 5 minutes.

Saturday was a bad day for Sadie overall. It was also a bad day for me emotionally because of all the feelings I have when Sadie is having a super rough day. By the way, some time today Sadie is turning 15 years old. Hence, the reason she has a lot of bad days. Oh her little body struggling. I try my darnest not to cry in front of her. So by the time I was going to be a good daughter and talk with my folks on the phone, I was already emotionally, physically tired and ready to go to bed soon. I am a good daughter.

Now on with the need to write about the phone conversation, which was pretty much with my mother. It starts out per usual, with the questions starting. I have to say, that I fuckin' hate getting asked questions. They(she) has done this forever, so I know that it will never change. The woman is in her 80's. So the usual questions about the 3 up in Green Bay, have you heard from them? How is it going for them? Are you going to get to see your granddaughter before her school year starts, or before the big wedding? She asks about my husband, is he working now? Is it his long 5 night in a row stretch? I said, no I don't hear from the GB people, no I doubt if I will see any of them before her school starts or their wedding. Then she goes on again about, the why I can't go. It is just the way it is. Now comes the part that gets charged. She asks me how I am? Remember my day has been long, and emotionally draining. I am feeling pained for Sadie. So instead of just skimming the surface of truth, I jump in, and tell her exactly what my day has been like. Yup, shouldn't have. Her voice starts to raise, and she says extremely loudly that Sadie is just a dog, and I treat her like a child. You treat your dogs like they are your kids. I love Sadie and Malcolm with all my heart. Over the years they have helped me so much. They are such great buddies and company. Remember I can't go places a lot and we spend a lot of time together. Then my mom said that if it is getting so hard to take care of Sadie, why I haven't had her put to sleep. I said, that Sadie will know when it is her time, because her soul/spirit won't be present. Right now, even though it is hard for her, her spirit and old self and sometimes happy eyes are there like when she was a puppy and growing up. So my mom didn't like that answer. Her voice has gotten louder, mind you by this time. She told me that she is in pain 23 out of 24 hours, that she is the reason that her and my dad can't come to see granddaughter or us, or go to their grandson's wedding. She can't take the pain or riding that long. My mom injured her heel/foot a few years ago, and it has gotten worse, really quickly. She said that she wishes that she could be put to sleep, like what we have to do to our pets at the end of their painful/aging lives. She is screaming now or yelling, that she feels like a burden to my dad. So being my mom, she ends conversations abruptly, this time not be hanging up, but saying, oh here is your dad, he just came out of the bathroom. I could hear my dad say to my mom, now what are you yelling at to Sue. So I talk with my dad for a bit. He has a calmer and better conversation with me. It is usually about his garden, you know, safe and interesting, day-to-day stuff. I am feeling shell shocked from my mother's comment about how she is truly feeling. I am sure my mom won't tell my dad about her thoughts about what she said to me. Now I have more to worry about, which I don't have any control of, and I will remember what she said, though at her age, she probably won't even remember she said all that to me.

Note to self for future phone calls, especially when talking with my mom. Don't share how it is going. No wonder they always have to ask me the 20 questions. Now I have to pick out a card and write a letter in it to them. I am a good daughter, no matter what.

Peace.

GO - SWIMMING

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