When the doggies and I were doing our routine of getting ready for bedland, it had started raining. By the time we were in bed, it was raining hard and loud enough to hear it on the roof. I heard the rain off and on all night. So later on, if and when it stops, it will be time to go out back and see how much rain we got in the rain guage. At this current time, it is still raining at 3:59 am. Yes, we are having an early morning, ok, I am. The doggies don't care what time it is. I actually don't give a flying fuck what time it is ever anymore. We are just currently awake. There is always the quiet time/nap time of the day later on. Oh the life of being retired. Nothing but time galore going on, awake or asleep. So since it rained all night, I will be unable to do any raking, so sad, not. This day will give my raking elbow and shoulder time to rest.

I finally wrote my rough draft of my mother's day letter to my mom. I went the humorous way this year, ending with a little sentiment. I have done this letter to my mom for years, so I know she expects it. I do this because I really want to, though it gets harder to do every year. The acknowledgement is what counts and the effort. It makes her happy indeed. As for myself, I don't expect much, or will get anything on Mother's Day. I never do. Nothing more to say on that.

Currently, I am reading a non-fiction text on "Solitude". I have already read it once, so I am rereading parts that I just want to. Excellent book. It was published in 2014 so it is pretty darn current. I have reread the sections on solitude and nature, solitude and aging, and solitude growing up through the ages, especially the age of where my granddaughter is at. Insightful data, you read about it and take what info you want. As I have aged, I pretty much take even in facts what I want to. I also don't believe everything I read because a lot of it out there is so skewed/biased. We all know this to be true.

My neighbor across the road, came over to fish off our dock yesterday afternoon. I was sitting out back, just watching one of the two bluebird houses my husband recently put up for me, to see if there was any interest yet. My neighbor brought this up himself, saying he had talked earlier with his wife, and he said that she is not doing well at all right now. She is dying slowly, or maybe faster now from her struggle for I guess 5 years of cancer. She is in so much pain because it is in her spine and other bones. He told me that when he leaves again to go back to Janesville, that he isn't sure if and when he will be coming back. He sounded so sad and defeated. Remember he knows she will die, but has always pushed that out of his mind and has pushed her to continue chemo and whatever else. I think that he was slammed in his soul and mind that her message came loud and clear with her calling yesterday morning. I actually knew about this call, because when she got done talking with him, she called me through video chat. She wanted to talk about her husband, and to let me know that I will have a lot of listening and being there for him. She said that, she knew, it had finally sunk in. She talked about hospice. So I knew that he would bring it up and bam, it got intense yesterday afternoon. I brought my chair down next to his on the dock. He fished and talked, I sat and listened. Keeping his attention to fishing, while talking, I would look over at him from the side, and see tears of sorrow flowing from his eyes. Oh man, so I listened, we hung out. The air was electric with emotions and feelings. He doesn't usually express this so openly, though I am so glad he is. Man is it going to be a tough go. Last year his son passed away in his sleep. Now his wife is disappearing from a terrible disease. Why?

OK I have to stop, why? it is very painful just to write about dying. I have to though to help myself so I can help him.

So the rain last night were like listening to tears falling on the Earth, whether tears of pain, sorrow, or joy, the tears came. A cleansing rain, washing away whatever needs to be. Onward now....