Here we are again. OK, I am awake and everyone else is snoozing. Got to love that. I don't mind. I take care of my fur babies. It was cold out when we went outside, like below 20 degrees. It is April, right?
Granddaughter is coming for a vacation tomorrow. It also looks like weather wise there will be a warm up. Not much, but happy to see this.
Lately I have been asking myself this question. Has it all been worth it? Meaning to me, for myself, has all that I do for others and done been OK for me? I don't know how to answer that. I ponder it alot. I do and help others because I want to. I don't expect alot of gushing on their part. Nobody does anything major or small for me. I don't get alot of thank yous or appreciation. I sound like I am having a pity party for one here. In my circle is my parents, my husband, son, and granddaughter, also my neighbor across the road. I don't expect much, but a small crumb thrown my way once in a blue moon would be nice. When I reread this it reads so sad and brings tears to my eyes. I know. Don't feel sorry or sad for me. I just had to write this down because I have to put this thinking/feeling back in the drawer in my mind for awhile. I have to be fully present and focused while my granddaughter is here. I am going to increase my energy in working on showing/teaching her how to mediate. We already do a lot of just sitting and just breathing to be calm. We sit in the Woods and just are there, present in the moment and ourselves. She gets the joyful feeling of just letting go and I want her to continue this forever. Just being and hearing the wind making the leaves and branches sing is beautiful. Did I write that she can now make one bird call perfectly. When she does this outside, we now hear the birds answer back. We here are a "no drama" zone. We don't yell or are loud. She knows that if grandma raises her voice or even yells that she needs to stop what she is doing because grandma is raising her voice because of a safety reason. For example, she was running in the backyard towards the channel, and I thought, she won't be able to stop and will fall into the channel. Well, I zoomed towards her and reached her hand just in time to stop her from falling into the channel. She looks up at me with big deer eyes that are blue, and says I hear you grandma. I think she meant, that she got it.
OK this is about it.