Being Honest.... (2015-08-07 - 6:09 a.m.)

I want to write about honesty. Being honest to yourself. Putting the truth out there. Freeing yourself from yourself by being honest to yourself. Not sugar coating anything about yourself. That written I don't know where I am going with this though, I will be more honest to myself in writing here. I need to free myself inside myself forever. Ok then, no need to pussyfoot around then. Get on with it.

Today's honest topis is: Do I like myself as who I am? Overall yes. I have had alot happen to me medically over the years especially the last decade maybe a little longer. As I age, the timeline of my life gets fuzzy. I don't have a very good memory it seems. It comes to me in bits in pieces. Sometimes I just sit and think about when I was under 5 years of age. I find it hard to remember stuff. My husband remembers alot of his life. He has a great memory. The other night I was just relaxing, laying in bed listening to the dogs falling into slumber, and I was trying to remember Royal Oak, Michigan, or even Beaver Dam, Wisconsin. I lived in both places for a time. In one of those places there was a beautiful park with this huge water pond that had a huge fountain. When you are small, everything seems huge. I don't ever recall seeing a photograph of it, so it is a memory. I will have to ask my mom which town it was in and the year. The pond was man-made, and I can see in my memory kids and parents always walking in it. I also see myself walking in it. I also remember across the street from where we lived was this cement like wall bordering those neighbor's place. So there were these number of steps up to their house. Can you picture it? There were huge trees also. Why am I remembering this, well I will tell you. My husband and I have been working in the Woods this week. We cleaned up and cut up this huge downed oak tree. The base of this oak has to be almost 3 feet wide. I plan to take my tape measure and go measure it. I am curious that way. Down at the base of this oak tree it was rotting. That is probably why it was cut down and just left there. Now back to my memory. This downed oak tree, stirs in me a memory of another huge oak tree that fell over across the street from my family in either Royal Oak or Beaver Dam. I remember hearing it fall during the night because I remember screaming in terror of that noise. My mom came to soothe me. The next morning looking outside the upstairs bedroom window my sister and I stared at this huge oak tree. It had fallen across the street onto our front yard, very near our bedroom window. I don't know why seeing the park, pond with the fountain made me remember the link to the oak tree here and in my early childhood. I had to have been under 5 years old I think. I don't know. I find this to be extremely interesting.

Here is the honest fact in relation to the oak trees. I have a fear of the trees falling on the house here in a bad storm or sheer winds. I do think it comes from an experience of when I was way younger, like almost 55 years ago. How is that for a little crack in my memory. That took me days/nights to think about off and on.

Hey, I made it through my husband's 11 day vacation. I asked him if I bothered him at all during it. He send nope, just those 2 days before his vacation would start. I told him before his vacation that I was planning hard at working to get along with him and not bug him to do any work and such. When he was ready to work, I helped him like in the Woods. He goes back to work tonight. He told me that he will have to go in earlier so he can catch up and do the charge nurse stuff. I don't know how he can do what he does. I am impressed. Bless him because he has saved my life twice in anaphaltic shock/food related incidents. So yes he can be my nurse anytime. When I had my breast reduction he did all the treatments and emptied my drains. My doctor told me that being a diabetic that was one of the best healings she has ever seen. My husband came with me to that appointment and she complimented him. I recall they talked in medical terms also which I tend to tune out.

Woke up this morning to rain. Finally some needed rain. The grass had gone dormant here. I won't have to water at least for today. I am hoping for more rain. We won't be working in the Woods today. I can maybe catch up on some TV shows I recorded and haven't had the time to watch for a couple of weeks. I need a rest now from his vacation. Go figure.