Doing Some Thinking Is All...... (2012-04-20 - 7:15 a.m.)

What to write about. How about how I have changed throughout my life. This is a deep subject to go into. I don't know why I have been thinking about it but I have. I have been introspective lately. I don't remember alot about my growing up years, what I tend to remember is what my parents remind me of or when I look at old photos some memories are jared awake again. I don't know why I can't remember alot about my early life. I almost can't remember what my college days were like either. Then I move on to my first marriage and first job, that also is just a vague memory. Then I moved to where my second job was, and I sort of remember that. My first husband and I moved after just one year of teaching in Wautoma. I didn't like teaching there at that school. So then I looked for another teaching position and moved to Owen. This is where we bought a house in the country on a little over one acre of land. I loved where I lived, I just fell out of love with my husband. When I started working on my Master's degree at UW Stevens Point, my husband would go back to Hillsboro where he grew up. Little did I know that he began seeing his first love, his girlfriend he had in H.S. Yup, so that put an end to my first marriage. I waited a bit, and meet my second husband in a sign language night class I was taking. I became pregant with my son, had my son in the summer of 1984. I didn't miss any work. I started the school year with only being home with my newborn less than 6 weeks. A single parent has to do this. My relationship with my second husband was off and on. We got married right before my son started grade school. At that time it was looked down upon that you had a child out of wedlock. So I thought it was the right thing to do, get married. That was a mistake on my part. I shouldn't have married husband number two. He wasn't very nice and that is all I want to say about him. When I was still married, I was told by my best friend, that he was seeing someone, he was having sex with her, and guess what, he got her pregant. So again I had to go through the process of getting divorced. I have to say that I sure made some bad choices when it came to men. So over the years I have learned that you have to be very careful who you let into your life. I waited a long time before I even started thinking about wanting someone to be with. Then my third husband and I found each other, which is amazing. We have now been together 18 years. I can never remember how long. We haven't been married that long. I just wasn't ready to get married until when we did. The changes in my life have been brought on by drama/trauma I believe. Things happen that aren't so good and then I have to decide what to do with my life. When my son left home here when he was 18 years old, it started a whole different kind of adjustment to change for me. That first year all I did was worry about him. Then time passed and I realized that there wasn't much I could do about that. I still worry but it doesn't overtake my whole life. I am hoping that the changes I have gone through have made me better.

Now that I have learned and adjusted to less money because of being permanently laid off from my county job I had, it is ok. Currently I am going to stop helping out my son financially, the money train will stop. So that is going to be a change for him and myself. There are some issues going on with him and his girlfriend. I hung up on his girlfriend on Wednesday night. She was yelling and screaming at me on the phone. I can't go into this yet because I am still trying to process it. So I am thinking that this will also bring about some more changes in my life, which also affects my husband. I just try to do the best that I can. It is sad when things just aren't always so good, especially for others that you care about.

We will change the subject here. Let's write about the weather. It started raining here around 1 pm yesterday. It rained until around midnight last night, then the rain became snow. This morning there are patches of snow in the woods, and the deck had wet, heavy, slushy snow on it this morning. Talk about odd, I knew when the weather people used the word "interesting" that something was acoming here. So now I am just waiting for it to warm up and be sunny. I saw a red squirrel yesterday afternoon at the suet feeder, his or her tail looked like a twig, the critter was so soaked from the rain.

This is about all I got for now. Don't know what else I will do today, probably not a whole lot else. Hey, I woke up. My husband called awhile back, and is on his way home from work. He has this weekend off. So today means he will sleep most of the rest of the day, and I have to be as quiet as I can be. Sleeping during the day is tough for those people who work second and third shifts.