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in19seconds

Much Better..... (2010-07-29 - 6:32 a.m.)

So it had been awhile since I had talked with my parents. I don't always call them because when I call them sometimes they are snarky. It just seems like they aren't in the mood to talk sometimes when I call, you get the drift. So my mom calls, I guess it was Monday evening, my husband answers, it sounds like he is having a good conversation with her. Then he hands me the phone. Right away she says, we haven't heard from you in awhile, I get the guilty, can't win feeling here. She tells me that they have been to North Dakota for the past two weekends to renunions. So it wouldn't have been a good idea to call them anyway, they were busy. So she tells me what a good time they had. Then she procedes to ask me what is new. I say nothing, doing the going to work thing, coming home, and all the usual stuff I do, which isn't much, and that is alright with me. They she moves on to have I heard from my son, and that they haven't gotten a call or thank you now for his birthday card and check, and also he didn't acknowledge the Christmas card and gift card. I told her that I said he should send out a thank you card. Hey it isn't my responsibility now to make him do it. Yet I feel the guilt, she does it so well that projection. She was pushing that button. Then she moves on to how is the job, and all that means. So I tell her about how I have heard that another department got a person fired who bumped into their department, it was a supervisor and 4 staff who got this person fired. Yupe, how about that. Hey I still plan to bump, got to have all the stress I can so it can affect my health, I told my mother that it could kill me. She said, that she just doesn't understand how I can talk like that about death and dying. To my hushand I am worth more dead than alive, you know the insurance and death benefits. Anyway, I could tell that I was pushing one of my mother's buttons. Towards the end of the phone conversation, I had an ephinany, so I didn't totally hear what my mom was conversing about. The ephinany was that, so the county sells the county program I work in currently, so I am forced to chose and bump another person out of their job position. Then that department does get me fired. I am going to fight this because it is against the law. I would then look for another job. Life goes on, and I would deal with it. I felt relief after we said good-bye and have a good week and all that. Thanks mom, for helping me reach that point of acceptance that to be in control you need to let go of the control. So now I am sleeping better and doing better. Go me. Who the fuck cares....we just live our lives the best that we can.

GO - SWIMMING

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