My husband asked me last night while waiting to fall asleep in bed if I was happy. Not the usual question, of how are you feeling. It has been 3 years 7 months and 17 days since I had the bacteria in my digestive and colon system that also allowed me to have my near death experience. I think it took alot of courage to ask if I am happy now. I know he knew the answer, I do the best that I can, I take one day at a time, dealing with my body and it's health issues/concerns/challenges is an everyday thing. I am just glad to keep going, which I have to do. The answer though is I am not happy, but I don't dwell on that either. I always tell myself that my life could be worse, there are worse things that could happen to me. I am still searching for joy, I have the Chinese symbol for joy tattooed on me. So truthfully I am not happy, but I am not unhappy with my lot in life. I am not depressed, I am sad sometimes for the way life goes, especially for others. I have learned a hell of alot about myself and others in the past 3 years, 7 months and 17 days. So in conclusion, I am glad my husband asked me that, because I then had to face that question square in the face. My conclusion is, it all sucked, it still sucks most times, but hey, I just keep going, kicking up my heels, and laughing because, death didn't get me, (I am sticking out my tongue here), and saying na-na-na-boo-boo or something to that effect. I am so glad for the little things in life, seeing a butterfly land anywhere, sometimes it chooses me. When one of my pets just wants to cuddle because we love each other so. You get the gist of it, life is what you make of it, and then you move on, let go, and just enjoy the joy of being here no matter what.