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What Was My Mother Really Thinking... (2007-11-04 - 5:10 a.m.)

Just be forwarned here, I am going to rant or vent, call it what you will, about my mother here for awhile. Anyone who remembers or reads me knows that I am on a restricted diet, due to the fact that I can't eat food like other people can. I have alot of digestive issues since I almost died from a very, very bad bacteria in my colon and digestive tract. Anyhoo and needless to say, next Sunday being my birthday when I talked on the phone with my mother, she suggested that we meet and eat. Yupe meet and eat for my birthday. Now, fuck, it is my birthday and do you really think I want to sit and watch three or four other people eat something that smells so good, which I can't have on my fucking birthday. That suggestion of hers did me in. Mind you, I have been raised to respect, honor, and love my parentals, but that suggestion went way over my line. I said to my mother, gosh, I don't want to. She asks me why, I said it is my birthday and since I can't eat anything at a restaurant, why the hell would I want to especially do that on my fucking birthday. I suggested we meet at a bookstore in Eau Claire. If they really want to do that, I would. But now that I think about this, it is my fucking birthday, and I like the weekends to rest, so that I am not always on alert about my health, so why would I want the added stress of driving, being with them, and dealing with all the fucking food comments. With my writing it down here, I have realized that over all these years, that I haven't been selfish, when my parents want to meet somewhere, I do and my family does. I do it for them. Since my health challenges, I have come to realize that I have to watch out for myself sometimes, and that I can't do everything and be everything for everyone. Sometimes someone, like my husband, bless his heart, is there for me and helps me out. He has also in the past two years stepped up to the plate in dealing with my parents. So with this said, I have decided to e-mail them and ask to not meet somewhere this weekend, so that I can rest and truely enjoy my weekend, doing whatever the hell I want to. I am not really sorry or that I feel too guilty right now. I just can't see going and sitting in a restuarant, smelling the food, watching others eat it and not being able to eat it myself. I do this alot, go and sit there with a diet pepsi or diet something with no ice(I can't have any ice, who knows what kind of water and what else is in the water). With this all being said, I am now done expressing myself. I believe that it is alright to be a tiny bit selfish on your birthday, especially considering now I have lived two more years.

GO - SWIMMING

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