Oh I thought of something to write about. How many people can tell one of their most embarrassing moments in their lives? Well I have one. So here goes.
It was an early morning in the Spring of 1986, I remember this because I was in a hurry, my son was only two years old and a single mom always has to be in a hurry to get ready in the morning. Well, I was getting ready for work, I had my pants on, but not my bra and shirt. I decided to go over to my dresser drawer and look at what earrings to wear. I found them, had them in my hand and slammed the top drawer shut(which is chest level), well I slammed my fucking right nipple in the drawer. I screamed which then my son in his playpen started doing in response. I had my makeup mirror on in the room as light, I had dropped the earrings of course, I saw that my right side of my chest was bleeding. Mind you, I just messed up my schedule for getting ready for work. I went into the bathroom and turned on the light and looked, what the fuck, blood dripping all over, grab a towel and press. Now I am starting to feel some pain. I release the towel to look and part of my nipple is hanging, I guess a bandaid wouldn't work. I am thinking hard now, I am really thinking and I start to laugh, then my son hears me laughing then he starts to giggle. Mommy is so funny. Well it is too early for the small town clinic to be open. I think, oh, go get some ice, put it in a bag and put it on my boob. OK, how do I keep the bag in place. Remember this was still the time of when I still wore pantyhose. I am doing the MacGuyver thing here. I put the bag of ice on my boob, a towel over that, and I try to get my pantyhose around me to help keep it all in place. Yeah, like I have 4 hands to help here. So it was a good idea, but I couldn't get it to work. This was all before I even thought of having a cell phone. So it is getting closer to when I had to be at work. I called my supervisor and let him know, I would begin trying to tell him, and then I would start laughing. Now he probably thought I was loony. How would you prove that you probably won't be there to teach that day, or for most of the day because you slammed your nipple in the dresser drawer and that it was hanging and needed some serious medical attention. I knew I needed some stitches. So he said alright, he would get a sub. Then looking at the clock I thought that I should try to get as best dressed as I could, pack more toweling over the boob, and get my son ready to go to the sitter. It took me forever to get him ready and out the door, thank heavens I wasn't one to bring in the carseat nightly. I was really bleeding, I bled through a number of towels, my shirt, and jacket. I tried very hard not to get any on my son. I took alot of towels with me. I was so packed with towels, who knew how much a nipple when slammed bleeds, that I moved waddle-like. I dropped my son off, I am sure his babysitter thought I looked odd. I told her that I wasn't feeling so well and that I would be at home. I drove to the small clinic in town, and had to wait about 10 minutes for it to open. It was 7:50 am. I went inside at 8 am and had to tell the desk lady why I needed to see a doctor right away. Apparently, she didn't think I should wait, because I was bleeding through to my jacket. I got in the examining room, the doctor rushed in, still with his jacket in, and asked me, "so how has your morning been?" I started laughing so hard, I thought that I would pee my pants. I said take a look, I got out of the bloody jacket, shirt, towels, and took the ice bag off. The doctor looked, remember he was a small town doctor, and said, "oh shit" that must really hurt. No kidding doc. I said let's get on with it here. He cleaned and washed the area up and looked and said, at least 10 or more stitches. I said, "what the fuck," for that little area. So he gave me a shot to freeze the area and went to work. I must have been there an hour or more. The lady at the desk knocks and pops her head in, sees the doctor so close to my chest and says, "oh, excuse me." I thought, "what, is this doctor perverted to boot." The doctor as he was sewing my nipple back on asked me how this happened. I told him. He says to me, lesson learned, get rid of the high dresser, and never pick out your earrings first. To this day, the last thing I do before I go to work is pick out and put in my earrings. So that was one of my most embarrassing moments. Actually it was funny. How can that happen, slamming a nipple in a dresser drawer.