Been a few days. Don't know what to write about because I have so much zooming around the inside. I have been working on quieting all the noise and thoughts. Finally have got it quiet again. Over the years I have learned how to live with the drama my son's life has created. It isn't about me. That is the first thing you have got to do. You can have empathy for him and his situation. As he ages, I can't say matures, ok, maybe he has matured a bit. I think that he has stayed 18 years old in the maturity stage due to the fact that he impreganted this girl. That was the start of the running away from his responsibilities and the reality of his life. Then I don't remember now, isn't getting older great, your memory gets fuzzy. Then he met another woman, got her pregant, and then pregant again. I don't have any contact with the first three little girls. I just pay child support for the youngest girls so that he stays out of jail, so that he is there for the fourth little girl. The only granddaughter I get to see on a regular basis. Back to my son. So I am not new to this roller coaster of emotions. It doesn't seem like it is all him, in fact he seems pretty calm, or so he wants me to think he is. She moved out on them. Again she for some selfish reason decided tp move out on them. I feel like someone died is how I feel. It hit me emotionally finally one night and I just sat and cried for them. Now I am at a point where, I can be supportive of them, but not her. I have to protect myself so I can be sane. Over the years apparently I have learned coping skills when it comes to dealing with my son.

On the other hand, my mom, I swear I hear her blood pressure going up as she talks to me about my son and the current situation. My mother who calls herself a Christian sure can bad mouth a fellow mother, meaning my granddaughter's mommy. My mother sure has a harsh outlook at the reality of this situation. No wonder I always hesitate to tell her(them) anything of significance of our lives. Enough about my parents, they really can't do anything for them. We(my husband and I can not really do anything for them and their personal relationship.) The only thing I can do is keep myself alright and be there when needed for my granddaughter and son. Who knows what will happen now. I don't know. I just want to make it through one day at a time.

Other things going on. There is ice forming on the channel. It started yesterday. It is cold, really cold, bone feeling cold now. I am ready for Winter, everything is done to the best of my ability.

Tuesday I have to go to a 7:40 am health screening thingy for being covered by my husband's health insurance. I really don't like this. One I have to fast. Two I don't see very well in the dark or the semi-dark to drive. My husband is already at work, so I have to drive myself over to his workplace. I know I am whining, it just upsets my daily routine and life existence.