I had to be a disappoint last night. My son called our house and told my husband to call him when I got home from work. So I did that, he didn't answer so I had to leave a message. Apparently it wasn't urgent. He called me back at around 7:30pm, I was staying up until he called back. Well, the question was, his girlfriend likes it here and could they come and visit us this weekend. I told him no. I was being very selfish. By Friday I would have worked 5 days, Friday is opening painting from 12-3 pm and that is pure hell for me. My back and feet hurt like hell last Friday and when I got home I went immediately to bed after taking my meds and eating something. Also before I go home on Friday I have to have the payroll done and sent over to have checks cut for the clients. Yupe, don't you want my days sometimes. I don't. I don't want company, I don't want to have to clean before company, I don't want to have to cook, and I don't want to especially be social at this time in my stressed out day to day existence. I felt so bad after explaining all this that after ending the call with my son, I went to bed and cried, having a pity party of one. I just must be sad. I still haven't picked what job I want to bump into. I am still hoping that a job will post and I can sign up and try to get that job. I am still hoping for another job to come up through jobnet or whatever you call it. I just want to be kind and not have added stress to my health if and when I have to go to a job environment where I have to bump another worker out of their job position. So I wasn't very joyful and excited even to have company this weekend. It is my hushand's weekend to work Saturday and Sunday night. Having my son and his girlfriend here would also cost me extra cash and food supplies that they would take home. Yesterday I mailed out the $425.00 rent check for the month of July rent. Tomorrow I mail out the weekly $100.00 to him. So all in all, it was a $525.00 money week for him. I do think that is enough. I am sad that I am feeling guilty also about saying no. I just can't make my body want to have company. I pretty much don't get alot accomplished especially on Saturday's right now. I have accepted that is will take Saturday to rest to feel better from the work week, especially Friday. This Friday two staff are off, don't you just want to trade places and be me, having to help at least 50 kids asking for this or that paint, carrying the ceramic piece over to the fan to dry. It is so loud and you can't even hear well what color paint they are asking for. There are 8 more Fridays in which I have to do this. I really don't plan to take any Friday off unless I just reach a point that I can't take it anymore. Who knows maybe we will be closed by the end of July and it won't be my problem anymore, the payrolls, or the painting groups, etc. One can hope that we can move on and just get past all this stress of waiting. It really gets tiring, and you can say oh, it doesn't get to me, but who would you be kidding, yourself. It takes it toll especially when a person is in a sad mood. Thank heavens for FarmVille, reading, and knitting, and don't forget, thank heavens for my hushand and pets. I am grateful, it just seems so hard at times. I don't know what else to say, so that is about it.